Spiritual Odyssey
Please consider the magnitude of this promise:
The Everlasting and Almighty God, the Creator of this vast
universe, will speak to those who approach Him with a sincere heart and real
intent.
He will speak to them in dreams, visions, thoughts, and feelings.
He will speak in a way that is unmistakable and that transcends
human experience. He will give them divine direction and answers for their
personal lives.
First, you must search the
word of God. That means reading the scriptures and studying the words of the
ancient as well as modern prophets regarding the restored gospel of Jesus
Christ—not with an intent to doubt or criticize but with a sincere desire to discover
truth. Ponder upon the things you will feel, and prepare your minds to receive
the truth.6 “Even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this
desire work in you … that ye can give place for [the word of God].”7
Second, you must
consider, ponder, fearlessly strive to believe,8 and be grateful for how merciful the Lord has been to His
children from the time of Adam to our day by providing prophets, seers, and
revelators to lead His Church and help us find the way back to Him.
Third, you must ask your
Heavenly Father, in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, to manifest the truth of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unto you. Ask with a sincere
heart and with real intent, having faith in Christ.9
There is also a fourth step, given to us by the
Savior: “If any man will do [God’s] will, he shall know of the doctrine,
whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.”10 In other words, when you are trying to verify the truth of
gospel principles, you must first live them. Put gospel doctrine and Church
teachings to the test in your own life. Do it with real intent and enduring
faith in God.
If you will do these things, you have a promise from God—who is
bound by His word11—that He will manifest the truth to you by the power of the Holy
Ghost. He will grant you greater light that will allow you to look through the
darkness and witness unimaginably glorious vistas incomprehensible to mortal
sight.
I found these words in my file when I was searching for things to include in my life story. They speak so plainly to me of my own spiritual odyssey and synthesize so many years of seeking to find God.
My heritage has been one of being constantly surrounded by truth seekers--both alive and dead. Our family histories are replete with men and women of great faith who sacrificed personal comfort and headed out into unknown frontiers. I wonder if they thought of their family members who would follow them or if their lives were mostly filled with the perils of day to day survival. Perhaps a mix of both. I know that as I have written this history I have thought of my children reading it and perhaps my grandchildren. I know I have thought of the personal pleasure I MYSELF would have in reading over it in my twilight years and reliving it to a degree. But perhaps this chapter alone is the one that I desire for my family of the future to read. I want them to read it, and I hope my spirit can reach out from the grave so that they can also feel it and know me.
I have experienced the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the time I drew my first breath. My parents, grandparents, and brother and sisters have all professed a belief in Jesus Christ and a devotion to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and the church. I was blessed by my father, attended primary, gave 2 1/2 minute talks (I remember my first talk at 5 was on the Good Samaritan), sang the Primary songs, earned all of the Young Women's awards, thrived and excelled at girls' camps, graduated from L.D.S. seminary, attended Brigham Young University, served a mission, married in the temple, raised my three children in the gospel, and attended the temple regularly (my goal has been 12 times a year). I have never been without a temple recommend nor have I ever had any disciplinary action taken against me. I have born hundreds and hundreds of testimonies in my life, and I have shared the Book of Mormon with dozens and dozens. I have had my passbook, so to speak, stamped at every station. From all outward appearances, I have been a poster child of Latter-day Saint behavior and accomplishment. All of these observable indications are worthy, and I am certainly not ashamed. They shaped the habits for good behavior and led me to experience joy and Christ-like love along the way.
But the spiritual odyssey I have been on has mostly consisted of completely unobservable events. My true journey has nothing tangible to verify it--no certificates, no photographs, and no signatures of anyone in authority.
I read the Book of Mormon for the first time in freshman seminary. My copy was hardbound and had big full page pictures of paintings depicting events in the narrative. Later I was privileged to be invited to the private home of that artist, Arnold Friberg, and see many of those paintings in their original form. I don't remember anyone challenging me to read the Book of Mormon. I just picked it up naturally and began to read. When I finished I knew it was special. I don't remember praying for a testimony of it at that time, but I do remember feeling its spirit. I was not a particular zealot about attending seminary for four years. We just ALL did. It would have been like swimming upstream to not. I have warm memories of seminary, but then I have classmates who had the exact same experiences there as I did and have abandoned the church. I remember bearing a simple nervous testimony a few times. Young Women's girls' camp always filled me full of the spirit, and I remember crediting later choices to those stirrings of the spirit within me at camp.
Later in high school I began to pick religious books off of the family bookshelf and read them avidly--Joseph Fielding Smith, Hugh NIbley, David O.McKay. Reading is a private affair. I don't remember discussing these books or anyone applauding me for my choices. It was private. I'm not even aware if my parents observed it all. As I prepared to graduate I remember making a goal with my bishop that I would read the entire Standard Works in the next year--a goal I reached. No one monitored me or hounded me. I reached that goal very privately and with no fanfare. John gave me a copy of Mormon Doctrine which I read as well. From cover to cover as a freshman. I also purchased my own leather standard works set with Kennedy fifty cent pieces that I saved in a large wine bottle from my tips as a waitress when I was 18 in Jackson.
My spiritual development continued in a normal and gentle way. The summer after my freshman year I remember almost exclusively reading church books and the scriptures under a poor light in our Airstream trailer home. My doctrinal foundation was becoming broad and solid. I wasn't systematic; I just read and drank it all in. I had experiences during this time when I felt overwhelmed by and convinced that I was reading and learning truth. I admit that my compulsion was driven by something entirely outside of myself. It was as real a need to me as food and water and completely voluntary. I was influenced by exemplary friends and teachers around me. One boyfriend during my sophomore year at B.Y.U., Mark, suggested that we study the scriptures together, so he called me at six every morning and we did just that. Such a great example he was! We discussed freely. A religious discussion was very natural and satisfying, and I participated enthusiastically many of my associates. I attended dozens of firesides and campus lectures. It was a constant spiritual feast at B.Y.U. I participated willingly and eagerly.
Serving a mission became a very logical step in my progression. I was influenced positively by listening to others talk about their missions. I was compelled to go. I made the choice privately. My father was enthusiastic; my mother was hesitant. I was in a very small minority at the time. Was my mission easy and pleasant? Yes and no. Missions are comprehensive "schools". I have no regrets. It moved me forward on my spiritual path and has been one of the greatest influences of my life.
Piece by piece by piece we stoke the fires of our testimony. Looking back on it all now, I am so so humbled by it all. So much of the GIGANTIC building blocks of my spiritual life were erected quietly with little or no deep planning or forethought. I was swept along many times in a river of conformity (such a blessing of which I was mostly oblivious)--attending B.Y.U. devotionals or firesides--I listened to probably ALL of the general authorities multiple times over my four years at B.Y.U.--born away in a crowd literally with 24,000 others as we entered the Marriott Center en masse and hung on every word. I availed myself of B.Y.U. Education Weeks and expanded my vision and scope of my place in the eternities and my potential as a favored woman and child of God.
During a time of emotional upheaval and deep deep sorrow I clung to my temple recommend like a life preserver. It became one of my only absolutes at a time when all of my assumptions about myself and my mortal destiny had been cast willy nilly to the wind. How could I ever deny that clinging to that recommend saved me? It became the one remaining tangible that God knew me. I had eternal worth.
And now I find myself living in the 21st Century. I am surrounded by the liberal secularistic ideas of the day. Religion popularity is at an all-time low. Even members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are opting to leave rather than to align their ideas with a more strict dogma. This exodus strikes close to my home and heart. I understand it. I have listened to the poignant stories of those who are in pain and have decided that their pain is not only CAUSED by the church but that their pain will dissipate if they leave. I have read what they write and confess that I have sympathy for some of what they say. I do not judge them for leaving. I feel their pain. Their arguments in favor of whatever reason they have for disaffecting from the church are many and varied and a topic for a different time.
In a more kind and gentle time in the history of the world, the social issues that are so prevalent in the media and have so greatly polarized many Americans and specifically members of the church would not even be an issue. But instead, the church is being forced to make stands and policies to deal with these issues for which there is no precedent . This is troublesome water to navigate. A religious organization with little or no intent but to preach the saving doctrines of Christ has now been struck square in the jowls with being forced to speak out and have a definitive voice on the nefarious stickiness of society's ills. I allow the church a degree of imperfection in that regard, but I know many who are critical and judgmental. I choose not to go that route.
I try and keep secularism at bay in my spiritual pursuits. I stand firm with the doctrines and ordinances of my base family culture. I have read widely, traveled much of the world, studied world religions and philosophies, lived in China which is so steeped in communism, Buddhist and eastern philosophies, and I respect so much of what I know the majority of the world believes. I have a firm conviction of the general benefits of living a life based on kind principles whatever their idealogical origins. I have also come to know firsthand through the manifestation of the Spirit, that mankind was conceived in love by divinely loving Godly parents and as such many roads will lead them back to those holy origins.
I also have a testimony that God DOES desire to make covenants with His children, and through those covenants any man or woman can receive power to withstand the adversary as well as step up onto a higher plane in this life. Those covenants are sacred and binding and available to the humble true seeker. I know that in the latter-days God and Jesus Christ appeared to an uneducated farm boy when he was honestly seeking a simple answer to his prayer. That visit was the forerunner to the coming forth of the Book of Mormon which carries with it an undeniable witness of Jesus Christ and the power of His atonement in THIS life to bring peace and power in the coming life to save mankind from the binding shackles of sin so contrary to our true God-like character. I know that Joseph Smith was the modern prophet instructed to organize a church wherein ordinances could be performed by holy priesthood power. I know that the priesthood power was restored to perform those saving ordinances. It is real. I know that God covenants with us individually in the temple. I know that temples link loved ones together in the great Family of God both here and on the other side.
I know that in spite of all the inherent weakness it possesses, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is exactly that--the church of Christ. It is evolving and seeking to prepare us for the second coming of Christ. Whether or not we accept its doctrine is a matter of a highly personal nature. Very individual. I know that we are to seek to become a Zion people--having all things in common. I know this is contrary to our selfish natures. I know that the adversary is real and delights in throwing us off the path or at least distracting us along other paths which may appear valid. My life is a fragment of the life I know I could have if I fully implemented my knowledge into behavior. I fight very human tendencies every day, but I also know that I am on the correct path, AND I DO have a legitimate map to follow. I bear witness of this in the name of my Savior Jesus Christ whose life I seek to emulate and in whom I place my faith for an eternal life in which to realize my full potential. Amen.
I found these words in my file when I was searching for things to include in my life story. They speak so plainly to me of my own spiritual odyssey and synthesize so many years of seeking to find God.
My heritage has been one of being constantly surrounded by truth seekers--both alive and dead. Our family histories are replete with men and women of great faith who sacrificed personal comfort and headed out into unknown frontiers. I wonder if they thought of their family members who would follow them or if their lives were mostly filled with the perils of day to day survival. Perhaps a mix of both. I know that as I have written this history I have thought of my children reading it and perhaps my grandchildren. I know I have thought of the personal pleasure I MYSELF would have in reading over it in my twilight years and reliving it to a degree. But perhaps this chapter alone is the one that I desire for my family of the future to read. I want them to read it, and I hope my spirit can reach out from the grave so that they can also feel it and know me.
I have experienced the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the time I drew my first breath. My parents, grandparents, and brother and sisters have all professed a belief in Jesus Christ and a devotion to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and the church. I was blessed by my father, attended primary, gave 2 1/2 minute talks (I remember my first talk at 5 was on the Good Samaritan), sang the Primary songs, earned all of the Young Women's awards, thrived and excelled at girls' camps, graduated from L.D.S. seminary, attended Brigham Young University, served a mission, married in the temple, raised my three children in the gospel, and attended the temple regularly (my goal has been 12 times a year). I have never been without a temple recommend nor have I ever had any disciplinary action taken against me. I have born hundreds and hundreds of testimonies in my life, and I have shared the Book of Mormon with dozens and dozens. I have had my passbook, so to speak, stamped at every station. From all outward appearances, I have been a poster child of Latter-day Saint behavior and accomplishment. All of these observable indications are worthy, and I am certainly not ashamed. They shaped the habits for good behavior and led me to experience joy and Christ-like love along the way.
But the spiritual odyssey I have been on has mostly consisted of completely unobservable events. My true journey has nothing tangible to verify it--no certificates, no photographs, and no signatures of anyone in authority.
I read the Book of Mormon for the first time in freshman seminary. My copy was hardbound and had big full page pictures of paintings depicting events in the narrative. Later I was privileged to be invited to the private home of that artist, Arnold Friberg, and see many of those paintings in their original form. I don't remember anyone challenging me to read the Book of Mormon. I just picked it up naturally and began to read. When I finished I knew it was special. I don't remember praying for a testimony of it at that time, but I do remember feeling its spirit. I was not a particular zealot about attending seminary for four years. We just ALL did. It would have been like swimming upstream to not. I have warm memories of seminary, but then I have classmates who had the exact same experiences there as I did and have abandoned the church. I remember bearing a simple nervous testimony a few times. Young Women's girls' camp always filled me full of the spirit, and I remember crediting later choices to those stirrings of the spirit within me at camp.
Later in high school I began to pick religious books off of the family bookshelf and read them avidly--Joseph Fielding Smith, Hugh NIbley, David O.McKay. Reading is a private affair. I don't remember discussing these books or anyone applauding me for my choices. It was private. I'm not even aware if my parents observed it all. As I prepared to graduate I remember making a goal with my bishop that I would read the entire Standard Works in the next year--a goal I reached. No one monitored me or hounded me. I reached that goal very privately and with no fanfare. John gave me a copy of Mormon Doctrine which I read as well. From cover to cover as a freshman. I also purchased my own leather standard works set with Kennedy fifty cent pieces that I saved in a large wine bottle from my tips as a waitress when I was 18 in Jackson.
My spiritual development continued in a normal and gentle way. The summer after my freshman year I remember almost exclusively reading church books and the scriptures under a poor light in our Airstream trailer home. My doctrinal foundation was becoming broad and solid. I wasn't systematic; I just read and drank it all in. I had experiences during this time when I felt overwhelmed by and convinced that I was reading and learning truth. I admit that my compulsion was driven by something entirely outside of myself. It was as real a need to me as food and water and completely voluntary. I was influenced by exemplary friends and teachers around me. One boyfriend during my sophomore year at B.Y.U., Mark, suggested that we study the scriptures together, so he called me at six every morning and we did just that. Such a great example he was! We discussed freely. A religious discussion was very natural and satisfying, and I participated enthusiastically many of my associates. I attended dozens of firesides and campus lectures. It was a constant spiritual feast at B.Y.U. I participated willingly and eagerly.
Serving a mission became a very logical step in my progression. I was influenced positively by listening to others talk about their missions. I was compelled to go. I made the choice privately. My father was enthusiastic; my mother was hesitant. I was in a very small minority at the time. Was my mission easy and pleasant? Yes and no. Missions are comprehensive "schools". I have no regrets. It moved me forward on my spiritual path and has been one of the greatest influences of my life.
Piece by piece by piece we stoke the fires of our testimony. Looking back on it all now, I am so so humbled by it all. So much of the GIGANTIC building blocks of my spiritual life were erected quietly with little or no deep planning or forethought. I was swept along many times in a river of conformity (such a blessing of which I was mostly oblivious)--attending B.Y.U. devotionals or firesides--I listened to probably ALL of the general authorities multiple times over my four years at B.Y.U.--born away in a crowd literally with 24,000 others as we entered the Marriott Center en masse and hung on every word. I availed myself of B.Y.U. Education Weeks and expanded my vision and scope of my place in the eternities and my potential as a favored woman and child of God.
During a time of emotional upheaval and deep deep sorrow I clung to my temple recommend like a life preserver. It became one of my only absolutes at a time when all of my assumptions about myself and my mortal destiny had been cast willy nilly to the wind. How could I ever deny that clinging to that recommend saved me? It became the one remaining tangible that God knew me. I had eternal worth.
And now I find myself living in the 21st Century. I am surrounded by the liberal secularistic ideas of the day. Religion popularity is at an all-time low. Even members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are opting to leave rather than to align their ideas with a more strict dogma. This exodus strikes close to my home and heart. I understand it. I have listened to the poignant stories of those who are in pain and have decided that their pain is not only CAUSED by the church but that their pain will dissipate if they leave. I have read what they write and confess that I have sympathy for some of what they say. I do not judge them for leaving. I feel their pain. Their arguments in favor of whatever reason they have for disaffecting from the church are many and varied and a topic for a different time.
In a more kind and gentle time in the history of the world, the social issues that are so prevalent in the media and have so greatly polarized many Americans and specifically members of the church would not even be an issue. But instead, the church is being forced to make stands and policies to deal with these issues for which there is no precedent . This is troublesome water to navigate. A religious organization with little or no intent but to preach the saving doctrines of Christ has now been struck square in the jowls with being forced to speak out and have a definitive voice on the nefarious stickiness of society's ills. I allow the church a degree of imperfection in that regard, but I know many who are critical and judgmental. I choose not to go that route.
I try and keep secularism at bay in my spiritual pursuits. I stand firm with the doctrines and ordinances of my base family culture. I have read widely, traveled much of the world, studied world religions and philosophies, lived in China which is so steeped in communism, Buddhist and eastern philosophies, and I respect so much of what I know the majority of the world believes. I have a firm conviction of the general benefits of living a life based on kind principles whatever their idealogical origins. I have also come to know firsthand through the manifestation of the Spirit, that mankind was conceived in love by divinely loving Godly parents and as such many roads will lead them back to those holy origins.
I also have a testimony that God DOES desire to make covenants with His children, and through those covenants any man or woman can receive power to withstand the adversary as well as step up onto a higher plane in this life. Those covenants are sacred and binding and available to the humble true seeker. I know that in the latter-days God and Jesus Christ appeared to an uneducated farm boy when he was honestly seeking a simple answer to his prayer. That visit was the forerunner to the coming forth of the Book of Mormon which carries with it an undeniable witness of Jesus Christ and the power of His atonement in THIS life to bring peace and power in the coming life to save mankind from the binding shackles of sin so contrary to our true God-like character. I know that Joseph Smith was the modern prophet instructed to organize a church wherein ordinances could be performed by holy priesthood power. I know that the priesthood power was restored to perform those saving ordinances. It is real. I know that God covenants with us individually in the temple. I know that temples link loved ones together in the great Family of God both here and on the other side.
I know that in spite of all the inherent weakness it possesses, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is exactly that--the church of Christ. It is evolving and seeking to prepare us for the second coming of Christ. Whether or not we accept its doctrine is a matter of a highly personal nature. Very individual. I know that we are to seek to become a Zion people--having all things in common. I know this is contrary to our selfish natures. I know that the adversary is real and delights in throwing us off the path or at least distracting us along other paths which may appear valid. My life is a fragment of the life I know I could have if I fully implemented my knowledge into behavior. I fight very human tendencies every day, but I also know that I am on the correct path, AND I DO have a legitimate map to follow. I bear witness of this in the name of my Savior Jesus Christ whose life I seek to emulate and in whom I place my faith for an eternal life in which to realize my full potential. Amen.
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